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Literature Text
You have these esoteric qualities,
(These cryptic idiosyncrasies)
Like the tell-tale crackle of your words
So eloquently swayed to whisper.
Fascinated by that volatile wine,
That mind
And all its instability,
Stirring, raising, challenging me
Deliciously,
With wish, after hope, after promise,
After promise.
I, your one-woman witness,
Your awe-ridden cultist,
I’m consecrated through reliance
Unconditionally compliant,
Ready, through some act of God
To be the only one who knows your secrets.
(These cryptic idiosyncrasies)
Like the tell-tale crackle of your words
So eloquently swayed to whisper.
Fascinated by that volatile wine,
That mind
And all its instability,
Stirring, raising, challenging me
Deliciously,
With wish, after hope, after promise,
After promise.
I, your one-woman witness,
Your awe-ridden cultist,
I’m consecrated through reliance
Unconditionally compliant,
Ready, through some act of God
To be the only one who knows your secrets.
Literature
illuminate my heart
September falls outside his window and the two-story house feels June. Time tilts here, the days canted to the left like the apple tree their grandchildren planted sometime last winter. It hasn't grown much since then, a few leaves on dry branches but no blooming flowers when spring arrived.
Today his fifty years seem like thirty. Sitting up in bed is easier. He doesn't feel as weak as before. The Pacific breeze touches his hair, chills his pale face and he thinks, Maybe Anna and I could drive down to the beachfront today.
He rolls to his side. She's burrowed under the covers, a blue blanketed lump, white hair poking out over dark blue pill
Literature
Antes
We are We, the Hunters of greatest knowledge and spell-blood. We use spell-words to hunt and to Change our bodies to rocks or trees. It has long been forbidden to Change to other Hunters or Hunted, or to kill others of We; yet it happened, and without it We would not be living.
This is that tale.
This is a tale from before the Fire, before the Dark, when the world was still green and the sky was still blue.
We had a Pack in the north, running free under the moon. The hunt was good. The Pack was strong and the prey was weak. The prey was a Hunter, a small running-Hunter; and so he turned, hissing spell-words, but he was claw- and tooth-stro
Literature
Who knew
The man you visited in a dream,
The one you re-traced a half-remembered
Path for, in the off-chance of
Surprising one another again -
Polychromatic flannel and subtle sighing
Through the teeth, gently
Warm eyes softly exotic
Slavic vodka on a late summer night -
Swept by today, wearing blinders of
Deep conversation, still
Smiling with an accent
His arm around a waist
I want to sit in my room, arms wrapped around
Knees against chest in the solace of the sun,
I want to watch the endless journeys of
Sidewalk strangers from the fire escape
But it's ten to four and
There's no time to cry anymore;
Only time to join the chattering
Choir
Suggested Collections
for double meanings...This poem is written for my fiance, though I doubt I'll ever let him see it. It's scary enough sometimes that YOU people read it
Advanced critique encouraged; I want to know exactly what works and what doesn't because I tried a few new things. If you like it, be specific and let me know what part struck you and why. Thanks
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Winner of the My-Best-Piece Love contest [link]
Thanks again, btw!
© 2006 - 2024 phoenixmemory
Comments29
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Deliciously captivating.....
The second stanza, take a careful consideration of where to use commas. Punctuation is lacking especially with these lines:
Stirring raising, challenging me
Deliciously
With wish after hope after promise
After promise.
A comma after 'stirring' so it'll make sense that there's a break there. Also use commas to separate the main ideas: "with wish, after hope, after promise..."
Now you can do two ways with the last line, since you repeated yourself. Using the fading dot-dot-dot to separate or using a simple dash at the end of 'promise' on the before, 'after promise'
Omit 'that' on the first line second stanza, since there's no need to repeat it. Plus it'll flow better...
First line of the poem, instead of a comma, use a semi-colon to break up two separate ideas. Since they're not in the same thought...
Hope you can understand the critique, I apologize if I'm harsh or nit-picky. This poem has a lot of great qualities, you just gotta work on punctuation. I enjoyed the content; such emotions display in sincere statements. Your fiance must be swooning with love after reading this beautiful piece! Congrats on winning the contest as well!
~Lee
The second stanza, take a careful consideration of where to use commas. Punctuation is lacking especially with these lines:
Stirring raising, challenging me
Deliciously
With wish after hope after promise
After promise.
A comma after 'stirring' so it'll make sense that there's a break there. Also use commas to separate the main ideas: "with wish, after hope, after promise..."
Now you can do two ways with the last line, since you repeated yourself. Using the fading dot-dot-dot to separate or using a simple dash at the end of 'promise' on the before, 'after promise'
Omit 'that' on the first line second stanza, since there's no need to repeat it. Plus it'll flow better...
First line of the poem, instead of a comma, use a semi-colon to break up two separate ideas. Since they're not in the same thought...
Hope you can understand the critique, I apologize if I'm harsh or nit-picky. This poem has a lot of great qualities, you just gotta work on punctuation. I enjoyed the content; such emotions display in sincere statements. Your fiance must be swooning with love after reading this beautiful piece! Congrats on winning the contest as well!
~Lee